diary of a crafty momma

confessions of an impatient crafting momma, prone to procrastination & downright laziness.

an experiment in free flow writing…

on November 1, 2012

i’m gonna try something new…i’m gonna write type whatever pops into my head while i sit here in front of my laptop…this is definitely something new for me since i normally agonize over nearly every word i write just because i want to make it fit some kind of writing style that, honestly, just isn’t mine. not terribly sure that that even makes sense, but for tonight i’m not going to worry about it…for tonight i’m just going to empty my head of all the thoughts cluttering up my mind.

i’ve started this post 3 different times in 3 different ways with 3 different titles all because i can’t get a grip on what i really want this post to be about, i just knew that i wanted to post something. when i was younger, i wanted to be a writer, but given that my stint in college was short lived & i didn’t fair all that well in my comp class, i pretty much abandoned that dream…along with many others through the years. i suppose some day i could explore all the various “dreams” that i let die along the way as i grew up…for now, today, i’ll try to stick to the writing one (try is the operative word there).

there’s no edit option on this page, so i’m posting blind…if that’s even a phase. it’s probably not & i’m probably sounding like some kind of blithering nut-job…and really, i’m ok with that. i just felt the need urge to type and i’m just going with the flow. my brain is cluttered up with all kinds of things these days…some more useless than others. i mean obviously i need the important things like kids/husband/pets names, birth-dates, phone numbers, addresses, passwords, etc. that stuff is a given when it comes to “brain cluttering. it’s the useless clutter that seems to keep me from being productive some-days, keeps me doubting things, and keeps me wondering if i’m doing the right things, making the right choices, moving along the right path, etc. it’s the “useless” clutter that fills me with doubt & worry & anxiety. i try very hard to not concentrate on the useless, but there are days when it creeps up on me & those are the days when i second guess every little thing that i do or have ever done. it’s frustratingly hard to keep the clutter away sometimes.even as i type this out, i have doubts of whether i should even post this…i will post it though, because i know i need to…no one else may read this, but i know that i need to do this for myself.

i have to learn that it’s ok to not get everything done in a day, that the world will not end if my stairs aren’t vacuumed or the toilet hasn’t been cleaned or the laundry still sits in the dryer. i have to learn that procrastination really doesn’t make me work better, it just makes me angry with myself for wasting time doing other things when i had a deadline or something that really needed to be done by a specific time. i say over & over that i’ll try harder, but i never do. i’m 36 years old & i’m still putting things off til the last minute and it is my fault & i know i need to change and yet, here i sit, putting off things i should be doing all in an effort to update my blog in the hopes that it will help me change when i know it will just go the way it always does with me writing/posting for a few days & then not again for a month or so because i get busy, when the truth is i get lazy. i’m pretty sure that last sentence was far too long & full of grammatical errors & made no sense & yet, this time i don’t care. this time, i’m content to just type. odds are in my favor that few, if any, will read the things i’m typing, and really, this post is just for me so it’s ok if no one reads it. i’m just happy to have a place to empty my head of rambling thoughts…readers are just a bonus!

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